tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post2379366785273438170..comments2023-11-05T00:38:56.097-07:00Comments on 21st Century British Nationalism: First ChapterDefender of Libertyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16093052197059748663noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-38082224184465625542008-12-16T03:07:00.000-08:002008-12-16T03:07:00.000-08:00Both Andaste and Alanorie have contributed very go...Both Andaste and Alanorie have contributed very good and pertinent advice regarding your first chapter and they make some very ggod points.<BR/><BR/>If this is the standard that we can expect from Chapter One alone then we're in for a very good read - and I anticipate that, with a good publisher, you will attain the recognition and success that is undoubtedly owed to you. Really, Lee, you have a lot of talents and if it were not for illness and also your committment to nationalist politics then you would have long ago become a top class lawyer or writer. But this is what make syou so well-rounded and widely-read. In a sense you and others like you represent the modern version of Renaissance Man, well- versed in all aspects of sciences, the humanities, and the more practicle areas of life such as politics.<BR/><BR/>Nationalists ought to take a lesson form you by applying themselves to raising the standard of their culture, through writing, poetry, art and expressing that national culture instead of wasting time as internet warriors. Nationalists should be indulged in educating themselves and revelling in self-education and self-attainment, training to penetrate the cultural establishment like the Left has done, becoming lawyers, journalists, teachers and senior figures within the education establishment, Civil Service and academia. Only then will nationalism become a movement for change.<BR/><BR/>Thank you Lee for leading the way and for giving others the inspiration to follow.<BR/><BR/>Regarding the story itself it is simply terrific, and has the same degree of quality and even tone of classics as 'White Fang', 'Dunction Wood' and 'Mythago Wood'.<BR/><BR/>Your writing seems to flow ceaslessly which is always a mark of quality writing and imagination. <BR/><BR/>What you have done well is research and that is always the crux in holding the readers attention as well as giving the story authenticity ( I always like a story that has a grounding in reality and even historicity). Your detailed attention to the life and form of Polar Bears and the polar regions brings the story to life.<BR/><BR/>It won't appeal to everyone so if you get negative comments from some saying "boring" or "too long", or "I fell asleep whilst reading the firts chapter", don't worry. Books will always only appeal to a selection of readers. I know already of several people who wouold enjoy the content and style of the manuscript that you are working on. Keep on with it and take on board some of the constructive comments given already by the likes of Andaste and Alanorei and I know that you have the potential of being highly successful. This is a success in the making.<BR/><BR/>One note regarding the first chapter is that the seventh paragraph would be better placed at the beginning to start the story. It is far more dramatic and I think that if you experimented with that you will find the picture looking far more exciting and would hook the readers attention far more than its current opening. Paragraph one would could then be inserted to follow afteer the dramatic lead-in.<BR/><BR/>If you think that the first chapter is really too long ( and any publisher would make such suggestions, or just do it without consultation) then I would sugegst that you cut it at paragraph 17, and restart chapter 2 at paragraph 18..."Nanuk had become pregnant with Nanulak for 225 days...".<BR/><BR/>Very good writing Lee and a truly excellent start to the manuscript.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-54357292805929130682008-12-14T06:34:00.000-08:002008-12-14T06:34:00.000-08:00Thanks, Lee, look forward to further instalments.I...Thanks, Lee, look forward to further instalments.<BR/><BR/>I understand though that publishers will tend to judge a book by its first chapter, so anything else that can be done to enhance the reader's interest early on is worth considering, I think.<BR/><BR/>Re: <I>the first chapter always flows etc.</I> Know the feeling, JPT.alanoreihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12013953165470026155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-74636340902183709302008-12-14T05:50:00.000-08:002008-12-14T05:50:00.000-08:00I've read a bit of your stuff LJB - like the descr...I've read a bit of your stuff LJB - like the descriptions but agree with comments above. I got to "centimetres" and trailed off - it might seem churlish and old-fashoined but organic, traditional and cultural measurements would be better; English/British measurements that relate to the body; the perfect mesh of natioanlism and greenism!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-10052817880678260802008-12-14T05:22:00.000-08:002008-12-14T05:22:00.000-08:00I enjoyed the chapter, thought it was excellent. ...I enjoyed the chapter, thought it was excellent. I feel somewhat uneasy making comments on your writing being as your ability is better than mine.<BR/><BR/>The only thing I would say is that I feel your descriptions, although vivid and extremely captivating, are slightly too long, or if not too long, perhaps could be used elsewhere in other chapters. There is no doubt though that you have a great sense of the scene you are describing and convey it very well.<BR/><BR/>Speaking from my own experience of writing I have often found myself devoting many words to describing a scene, often times waxing philosophical in the process and conjuring up all sorts of metaphors and allegorical aspirations ... but then I find it hard to bring the narrative back down to earth and introduce dialogue without it seeming almost trivial in comparison. Anyways, that's my two penneth, and no doubt these are problems unique to my own attempts at writing. As an aside which may or may not be of interest, my own interest in creative writing is mainly heroic fantasy.<BR/><BR/>But in conclusion I very much like the overall feeling you created; I love the sense man against nature... or should I say man in nature. No politically correct reworking of nature as some sort of man-made playground ... just the cold, brutal certainty of death and harsh survival in the elements.<BR/><BR/>I look forward to reading more. Keep up the great work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-91125320858616689722008-12-14T01:39:00.000-08:002008-12-14T01:39:00.000-08:00Thanks chaps for the ideas and comments.The first ...Thanks chaps for the ideas and comments.<BR/><BR/>The first chapter had to be quite complicated in order to introduce the characters and the setting - the next chapters are more orthodox in style and are going to be a lot more violent, harsh and interesting.<BR/><BR/>LeeDefender of Libertyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16093052197059748663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-8613066369074160102008-12-13T14:08:00.000-08:002008-12-13T14:08:00.000-08:00Very interesting, Lee, you certainly know your sub...Very interesting, Lee, you certainly know your subject.<BR/><BR/>The work is very well written, I think.<BR/><BR/>A point of clarification, is this book intended as a drama-documentary or as a wildlife novel like <I>White Fang</I>?<BR/><BR/>I guess it could be either - your knowledge seems at least on a par with that of Jack London's.<BR/><BR/>One minor point, I'm not sure if <I>rape</I> is a word that is suitable for animals naturally mating - though you may want to retain it for dramatic effect. I'd probably have used <I>mating</I> or something similar.<BR/><BR/>A few other points, with the general reader in mind:<BR/><BR/>1. The chapter is long. Maybe consider breaking it into Chapters 1 and 2 if possible.<BR/><BR/>2. You mention Inuits. Consider, if possible, using them to introduce dialogue. Dialogue is a good way to break up prose passages, which can wear down all but the most avid reader.<BR/><BR/>You have to try to imagine the typical, more casual reader and what will hold their interest.<BR/><BR/>3. Always spellcheck and proof read as you go*. The possibility of glitches in a work of prose is like the possibility of colds and flu in the British winter.<BR/><BR/>*I would offer to help with this but can't at present, unfortunately, though I'll keep an eye out on your blog for developments. <BR/><BR/>It is also so easy to make errors like omitting small connective words like 'the' or 'of' or miss-spelling a word that the spellcheck won't pick up, e.g. 'slight' for 'alight' or vice-versa - an easy mistake because 'a' and 's' are next to each other on the keyboard.<BR/><BR/>Word processing, like emails, is very error-prone, unfortunately - the writer always has a tendency to see what should be there, rather than what sometimes is, in error.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I wish you every success, mate.alanoreihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12013953165470026155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-56500686850084026692008-12-13T13:32:00.000-08:002008-12-13T13:32:00.000-08:00Excellent stuff Lee - I've tried doing some writin...Excellent stuff Lee - I've tried doing some writing myself and the first chapter always flows for me - but after that it's bloody hard going!<BR/>Good luck.JPThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00796856414981086841noreply@blogger.com