tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post8919433783947458663..comments2023-11-05T00:38:56.097-07:00Comments on 21st Century British Nationalism: UFO story Part 3Defender of Libertyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16093052197059748663noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-49606204111906078732008-12-30T10:55:00.000-08:002008-12-30T10:55:00.000-08:00I agree with the above comments, in particular Mr ...I agree with the above comments, in particular Mr Potter's observation re use of quote marks. Again, it breaks up the long prose passages.<BR/><BR/>Re: the craft, well, for what it's worth, this is what a lady publisher in the US sent me a couple of years back. Unlike the boat in your C3, their car engine didn't stall (they often do) but note the reference to the power station nearby.<BR/><BR/>UFOs like power plants, among other things, including water reservoirs, mineral deposits and travelling blood banks.<BR/><BR/>You might be able to use some of that, e.g. w.r.t cattle mutilations, say, as a lead-up chapter.<BR/><BR/>My contact's narrative is as follows. I trust her as a true witness.<BR/><BR/>I've highlighted the shape of the craft.<BR/><BR/><I>It was back in October, 1986. My husband, his mother and I were coming back from his brother's girlfriend's house in Skyland, North Carolina, and I had just turned east/north onto a major highway, Route 26, heading toward Asheville. I still smoked then (oh, how I miss it!) and my window was open about an inch or so. It was about 10 pm on a week night, and the traffic was light. To the right of the highway, and just south of our on-ramp, was a power plant, with three huge orange and white striped smoke stacks. Immediately ahead of us was an overpass for the Blue Ridge Parkway, this overpass happened to be extra, extra tall, over 80 feet at a guess. <BR/><BR/>Well, I had turned onto the highway, heading north, when I saw three tremendously bright lights, grouped together, on my left above the tree line. I said out loud, "When did they put a stadium there?" No sooner had the words passed my lips when the lights turned into <B>a huge triangular craft</B> directly before and above us. It was so close that both my husband and I had to lean forward to see it all. I could see the understructure clearly. There were protruding sections, receding sections (I really am at a loss to describe it) and the three bright lights at the points. <BR/><BR/>My window was open but the craft didn't make a sound! It just hovered for a few moments. It was so wide! The roadway was two lanes each way, plus a very wide median (Artie guessed about 40-60 feet), and the craft covered it all plus the swale and a few trees to each side. I was hanging onto the steering wheel, head tilted, chin way up and my eyes riveted on it, yelling "WHAT IS THAT!?" Artie was shouting right back at me, "WHAT IS THAT?!" We repeated ourselves a few more times before it started to move off, south - directly over and to the rear of us. Artie scooted down in his seat, staring out the back window, trying to see it, but I had a little, low-to-the-ground Mitsubishi Eclipse at the time and it was hard for him to find a good position. His mother, in the meantime, just tilted her head back and could see clearly through the hatchback window. <BR/><BR/>Meanwhile, I couldn't take my foot off the gas pedal and was still going north at about 50 MPH. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw it pass above the extremely tall overpass we had driven under a minute before. The craft lit up the high roadway, and its own understructure, with a beautiful, bright golden glow. It headed off toward the power plant and that was the last I saw of it. I wasn't able to step on the brake yet, and still wasn't for another 5 miles! I wanted to swing back, but his mother was having a fit and wouldn't let me.<BR/><BR/>I was so revved up, I went home and created an Action file (sort of like Power Point) that showed the events clearly...<BR/><BR/>Whenever I hear a skeptic say 'There are no flying saucers!' I just smile. I know what I saw and no one can EVER change my mind...</I>alanoreihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12013953165470026155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-65797725242568136042008-12-30T04:30:00.000-08:002008-12-30T04:30:00.000-08:00Your descriptive work is extremely good and your p...Your descriptive work is extremely good and your pace i very encourging.<BR/><BR/>I was quite enthralled by chpters one and two.<BR/><BR/>I have checked out some of your factual refernces (which give the story both credibility and gravitas) and they are sound (apart from the error already pointedout about your misnaming of the SBs).<BR/><BR/>Your choice of Ilfracombe is clever as it is both a popular tourist desination and a commercial fishing port (and lobsr fihsing is indeed a commercial an private activity!).<BR/><BR/>There are a few bad cases of wrong sentences and poor grammar eg para 3, where the fishermn taks a drink "...an sghed as cold he ber bubbles...". That should perhaps be "...and sighed as the cold beer bubbles burst on his tongue...".<BR/><BR/>I am not too sure about the way that you have written the fisherman's thoughts though eg para 6, "Christ, he thought...". It would be far better and les distracting to quote his thoughts as if he were talking to himlef, or to paraphrase his thoughts egHe thought to himself that he hoped that anoter boat was oming his way. Or alternatively use quotation marks instead.<BR/><BR/>I thought that your descriptions of the fishermn's encounter with the UFO were excellent, really captivating. They are far better than most of the dscriptions that I have read in most novels about UFOs. They have bee written as if you were witness to them yourself and are so vivid, using obscure detail and things that on would not normally mention, that it takes the reader to the scene of he incident itself.<BR/><BR/>The way the craft slowly obscured the stars, the smoothness of the craft's exterior,its almost ceramic nature, its oil-like appeararance as no sems or rivets, and the way the light illuminated the sea as if earching the depths, are all told very well indeed.<BR/><BR/>The way that the witness felt that the craft coul crush him if it fell on him are fine details that only a witness could describe as observations and fears like that are realistic and would ente the mind of a witness.<BR/><BR/>This chapter really works.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-45324265624636284832008-12-30T04:09:00.000-08:002008-12-30T04:09:00.000-08:00Extremely well-written piece. The story was both c...Extremely well-written piece. The story was both captivating an eciting. It is as good - if not better - than existing UFO fiction that has already been written, including works by both former civil servants who were part of the MOD's 'UFO Department'. Both Ralph Noyes and Nick Pope went on to write UFO novels and I can say from experience that your work to date equals - and in some cases exceeds - those works.<BR/><BR/>Keep it up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-42366201020871851422008-12-30T04:05:00.000-08:002008-12-30T04:05:00.000-08:00I would like to echo the sentiments of Andastre ab...I would like to echo the sentiments of Andastre above and commend you for publicisng your draft work. Too few people these dys, including many public and politcal figures, seem averse to any form of criticism. You have th guts to open yourself up to potential ridicule at one end and to constructive criticism at the other. It takes a strong individual who is not afraid of ther weaknesses to do so. I commend you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-81917810668654017702008-12-29T14:03:00.000-08:002008-12-29T14:03:00.000-08:00Lee, your chapters have been excellent. And for w...Lee, your chapters have been excellent. And for what it’s worth, the only observation I can make is that whilst your descriptions are totally captivating and engrossing I am left with a feeling that the story proceeds too slowly… now I can’t suggest a solution to this feeling or even articulate it very well… but as I mentioned previously I have read lot of heroic fantasy and the formula (for want of a better word) seems to be that each chapter is subdivided to expand diverse parts of the plot, instead of each single chapter being devoted to a single theme. This perhaps creates a greater a sense of momentum… not that I imagine it is particularly easy to achieve. Anyways, that’s my two penneth.<BR/><BR/>By the way, I must say I respect you for making your stories public like this… it shows a great degree of openness to criticism that I suspect few people are capable of… myself included.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5680771968888528726.post-27786330871375991842008-12-29T12:39:00.000-08:002008-12-29T12:39:00.000-08:00Learn to use commas.Learn to use commas.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com