Jim Dowson and the Tragic Tale of Mr. Whippy

The events you will read below are real.

Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

If you have recently eaten then I suggest you do not read this expose.






After the BNP party activists got Der Fuhrer Plankton and Andrew Brons elected after the recent European elections, the Griffin cabal decided to have a back slapping junket in Blackpool.

All funded by the party of course.

Griffin never pays a penny, ever.

It is postulated that in Nick Griffins trousers pockets a small localised black hole exists, as whatever money goes into his trousers pockets vanishes into an alternate universe - never to be seen again.

In fact I hear that tapeworms are now studying Nick Griffin as an example of a successful parasite.

Anyway at this junket the usual thing happened and it turned into a BNP drunken piss up.

Now after a few beers it appears that one BNP officer who I shall name as Mister X got lucky with a certain other female BNP member.

“A-ha”, he thought “Ive pulled ! That’s the first time since Bucks Fizz were in the charts ! “.

And off he trotted to his salubrious hotel room followed by the champagne swigging Reverent Dowson and potential victim.

They all sat in the palatial hotel room knocking back glass after glass of Moet until Mister X rose to relieve himself in the bathroom.

Like all mature chaps after a few beers, it appears that Mister X was experiencing a few problems with his little friend Mr.Whippy.

It appeared that whilst MR. X was raring to go, Mr.Whippy was more interested in going to sleep.

So off Mister X went into the bathroom to knock back a Viagra or two and take a dump before the ravishing of aforementioned drunken maiden began could proceed as planned.

In the meantime Jim Dowson and the drunken maiden were left in the room talking.

After a good clear out, a spray of Old Spice aftershave to cover the stench and definite signs of Mr.Whippy rising forth from his previous state of flaccidity, Mister X flushed the chain, opened the bathroom door and strode forth into the room in order to service the maiden, good and proper like.

Mr. Whippy was now straining at the leash like a Jack Russell thats seen a rabbit

In the meantime though, Jim Dowson had seen the opportunity to make a quick buck (sorry slight a mis-spelling there) and had gone in for the kill.

Imagine his shock when upon exiting the bathroom Mr. X discovered the randy reverend Dowson had dropped his crock and got out his ............ Well, you get the picture.

There was Jim Dowson, trousers round his ankles thrusting forth into the maiden all three inches of his prize Scottish pizzle.

Poor old Mr. X !

Poor old Mr.Whippy !

Luckily for the pair of them all was not lost.

This drunken damsel was so drunk she did not appear to even notice when Mr. Whippy became engaged in the action via some oral engagement.

I can honestly say to even imagine that sordid scene is enough to sicken one to the stomach.

Imagine the pasty human maggot Jim Dowson on his vinegar strokes, his glasses all steamed up with passion, a small plaster wrapped around the crucifix he wears around his neck (so Jesus couldn’t see what Jim was doing) , screaming out the name of the Pope and the saints as he approaches his rapture with a howl of “ HALLELUJAH BABY ! “

In the meantime Mr. X and Mr. Whippy were making the most of their small mouthful in the action.

Its an image so repulsive that I suspect it would have made Ron Jeremy choose to become celibate if he had ever seen it.

If there was ever a lesson for kids to learn about the dangers of binge drinking, then this was it.

If only the hotel CCTV cameras had filmed the incident.

It could have been shown to 18 year old young people with a drink problem to reveal to them just what drinking can do to you, and how far a human being can descend into the depths of utter depravity after a few Cheeky Vimto’s and a few bottle of champers.

Don’t end up like that kids.

When you are in a room with Jim Dowson, make sure you don’t get drunk.

If you ever see a female BNP member with a strange haunted look in her eyes, similar to the Thousand Yard Stare of the American troops that came back from the horrors of Vietnam, then that’s probably her.


( The names in this story have been changed to protect the guilty )

UPDATE - Where are they today ?

Mr. Whippy has gone into full retirement after suffering permanent erectile dysfunction as a result of what the doctors define as ‘Post Coital Dowson Syndrome’ which is an affliction experienced by any human whose has had the misfortune to witness the naked, or semi-naked, Jim Dowson.


Jim Dowson is now running the BNP. He is to be played in a forthcoming movie by the actor Danny De Vito wearing a face mask that resembles an arse.

Mr. X is now on medication for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Miss Z is now a homosexual.