Image - Guardian journalist interviewing chav alien, " Are you sure you arent a racist ? ".
Alien replies, " Naah, I am a Prawn inni so I cant be can I. Anyway what about me yooman rights".
Guardian journalist, " But youre not human ".
Prawn replies, " Oh charming, whos the fucking racist now eh. Right wheres me mobile, OI TRACY LOVE, get me mobile ! Its in me shellsuit on the table in the hot tub. Right you wanker, I am ringing me solicitor about this harassment. I have had it up to my gills with this fucking planet. I read about that wanker George Monbiot in your shite paper a few days ago - hunting, killing and eating me cousin, Bert the Crayfish. What a Bastard. Wait till I see the four eyed posh twat. I will stick my tentacle right up his public school arse ".
Alien turns around, goes inside hut and shuts the door.
As Guardian journalist turns to leave a tentacle in a V shape appears through the open window of the hut, and the alien shouts, " And your Earth beer is shit ".
Window slams shut.
Guardian journalist sits in car typing out another ground breaking peice of British journalism on how Prawns in District 9 have embraced racism and want to join the BNP.
A cracker of an article in The Guardian from George Monbiot about my crayfish article here ;
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/georgemonbiot/2009/oct/01/crayfish-bnp
Heres my advice George ;
1) Look up 'Satire' in the dictionary
2) Develop a sense of humour
3) Stop being a po faced prick
The idea that anyone, anywhere, except in the minds of po faced pricks like George Monbiot would want to 'eat an illegal immigrant' is an example of liberal insanity.
The fact that George, in a fit of liberal delirium, has drawn an anaology between human illegal immigrants and crayfish, something which I never did anywhere in the article, reveals more about his psychology than mine.
It appears that George, whilst on the surface is a fully paid up member of the Guardianista, self loathing white middle elite, beneath the surface there be dragons, strange and dark thoughts and visions afloat within the deep, dark murk of his subconscious mind.
How else to explain the existence of the analogy he draws - and that I did not draw.
Perhaps the mythical joke that the liberals think the 'BNP will eat babies if they come to power' is actually true, that it is not a joke.
Jesus, I hope they really dont think that.
If it is true then they really, truly are insane.
As for George Monbiot - the pro-multi-culturalism, white flighter who pontificates about the joys of diversity from his oh so white and exclusive beach home in whitest Wales, you really are the epitome of liberal hypocrisy.
Perhaps the crayfish killers, the parakeet slaughterers, the muntjac deer shooters and the rest of the Eco-Xenophobes should be rounded up, branded with a big 'R' on their foreheads and also join the ranks of the damned alongside all those tarred and feathered by the media as the New Racist Heretics.
If people like George really are running this country, then we really are in deep shit as a nation and a society.
Watch out, watch out - theres a Witchfinder about !
(P.S District 9 is a brilliant film - and thats about the only thing George has got right )
DEATH TO THE USURPERS !
Eco-Xenophobes of Britain Unite !
Cleanse our fields and forests, streams and rivers of all alien crayfish invaders !
(P.PS Thanks George for the slogan and the free publicity for my blog. Top man. )
P.P.S Read the comments on The Guardian, they are even calling George a fascist for being a crayfish exterminating nazi. Jesus wept, where is Brass Eye and Chris Morris when you need them.
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What demons we unleash in our sleep! On Wednesday I posted up a photo guide to catching the red signal crayfish, an introduced species from the US which is trashing the aquatic ecosystem and killing our indigenous crayfish. By catching as many as you can, you can help to control this invasive species, while getting a great meal for nothing.
Innocent enough you might think. Well it was until it got picked up by the British National party.
I think you can probably guess how this story pans out, but here's the BNP's legal officer, Lee John Barnes, in his own words:
The North American Crayfish is the Mike Tyson of crayfish. It is a diseased, psychotic, evil, illegal immigrant colonist who displaces the indigenous crayfish, colonises their territory and then reproduces until it totally devastates the indigenous environment and indigenous crayfish. I am saying nothing governor.
But theres a phrase of his [George Monbiot] that I believe should be the motto of the Eco-Xenophobes everywhere. I intend to use it more and when I do I will accredit it to George Monbiot; DEATH TO THE USURPERS !
Subtle, isn't it? Without necessarily contravening the laws on incitement to racial hatred (and we can expect the BNP's legal officer to know just where the line is drawn), Mr Barnes appears to be comparing the American red signal crayfish to human immigrants, whom he apparently wishes to put to death. "I'm saying nothing governor" means: you know exactly what I'm saying, but if you do your worst I can't be held responsible.
Barnes is not the first person to make an analogy between invasive species and immigrants, though these days it is seldom spelt out in such stark terms. The analogy suggests that people from other parts of the world belong to a different, non-human species. Perhaps he's been watching District 9, where the alien asylum seekers do look a bit like crayfish.
Unlike Mr Barnes, I don't know exactly where the line is drawn, but is it possible that he has not been quite as clever as he thinks he is? Is there a legal-minded person out there who can offer some advice?
