Sunday, 27 November 2011

Lancaster Unity and my Talking Dog Novel

According to Lancaster Unity I am writing a novel about a magic talking dog.

That gave me an idea for a short story.

Once upon a time there was a dog called Communism.

This dog had a master called Capitalism.

Communism loved Capitalism very much for Communism had been taught to love wealth and power just as Capitalism did.

Communism had been taught to call the cheap plastic kennel built by Capitalism for him to live in 'Liberty' and so Communism loved his kennel very, very much.

Capitalism had trained Communism for a long time about the delights of wealth and power and one day, when Capitalism thought he was ready for his task, Communism was let out of its kennel by Capitalism.

Communism, said Capitalism, you must go and recruit all the chained pets of the world to the cause of Communism. But remember Communism you must keep what I have taught and told you a secret.

Communism laid down and put his head on his paws, wagged his tail and whimpered in submission before his master.

Then Capitalism threw open the doors of his castle and sent Communism out into the world.

Communism would go from country to country, enter a city, seek out the city dumps and ghettoes and bark and howl loudly until all the other lost and stray pets in the area would come and gather about him.

Out they would come from their lice ridden hovels, tin shacks and garbage dump homes to hear the dog Communism proclaim his revolt of the pets against their masters and oppressors.

Woof Woof, Communism would bark, we must revolt against those humans that take care of us. We are not the possessions of our masters, we are free dogs not passive pets. Nor are we unwanted. Let us rise up against our masters, our countrymen, our countries and our cages !

The dogs in the crowd would go wild with excitement as Communism barked forth a vision where the unwanted pets of the world would be free and no longer chained and leashed to their human masters or dumped into poverty when we are unwanted.

Follow me, barked Communism, and never again will petss be under the dominion of any masters. Every pet will be free ! Every stray will find a home !

So the packs of unwanted pets would agree to follow Communism wherever he would lead them.

So Communism gathered all his pet and ex-pet comrades and led them out of the city towards a utopia where every pet would be free and none an unwanted pet anymore.

Onwards they would run, dizzy with excitement until they came to a big building. In every country that Communism visited the building would be the exact same.

In you go, barked Communism, therein lies the freedom I have promised you.

The dogs gazed up at the front of the building, but none could read the writing on the sign above the black iron gates. They were pets and had never been taught to read by their masters. They had learnt to perform tricks, wag their tails and lick the hands of their masters, but none had been taught to read. Only their masters knew that trick.

They looked over to Communism.

Communism smiled at them.

That sign says freedom is within, said Communism, do not hestitate my friends, rush forth now to the freedom I have promised you !

And in their joy at being free and their trust and love in Communism unfettered by reason or logic, the pack ran through the black iron gates with their tails wagging.

The black iron gates shut behind them.

Suddenly the joyous barking turned to howls of pain and anguish and from beneath the black iron gates, a river of red blood began to flow.

Communism looked at the black iron gates and sneered a wolfish grin, his eyes forming evil slits.

He whispered to himself 'fools', and then ran from the place as fast as he could possibly run.

On and on Communism ran, his tongue lolling from his mouth dribbling flecks of white foam, until he returned to the castle of his master Capitalism.

Capitalism sat on his golden throne and laughed as Communism ran to him with his tail wagging.

Well done boy, said Capitalism, did you do as I trained you to do ?

Yes master, barked Communism, I led them to the euthenasia factory as you asked. They are all now just so much rotting meat for the flies to consume.

Capitalism petted his pet dog Communism and rubbed his hairy belly.

Here boy have a biscuit said Capitalism, and offered Communism a chocolate biscuit sprinked with an icing that tasted of almonds.

Communism gobbled down greedily the biscuit that Capitalism had offered him.

Communism then began to feel dizzy and sick and looked up at his master.

Too late did Communism realise that the icing on the biscuit was not almonds, but cyanide.

You have done you job well Communism, but now you too must die. I have no more need for you now and hence like so many of my other pets into history and darkness must you pass.

Communism licked the hand of his master until the last flicker of life faded from his eyes.

Capitalism then carried the corpse of Communism to his workroom, took out his golden knives and skinned the dog.

Then he stuffed its pitiful corpse with torn pages of paper upon which were written the political ideologies that Capitalism had created to chain its pets.

Capitalism then placed the stuffed cadaver of communism in front of his throne as a trophy of his work, alongside the stuffed corpses of his other pets Fascism, Nazism, Liberalism, Socialism and Democracy.

Capitalism then began training the next dog which would lead the unwanted pets of the world to the same slaughterhouse as all the other ones he had trained in the past.

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