Monday, 18 May 2009

Charlies Twitter Army Strikes Back

And so it began.

Charlie Brooker sent forth the twitter message to his loyal army, The Window Lickers, and like some rather deranged army of sexually ambiguous ants they swarmethed over the blog of Lee Barnes.

Twitter.

The word says it all really doesnt it.

Twitter - twit, twat etc etc

But come on lets be honest what does it say about the person that likes using the twitter on his phone ( the twitoris ? ) and who does the twitting ( The twittee ? ) and the recipient of the Twitter message ( The Twit ? ).

IT SAYS YOUR A FUCKING KNOBHEAD THATS WHAT.

I hate anyone with a fucking facebook account, who twitters, who has a myspace account, who spends time posting up pictures of their sad lives and their ugly mugs on the internet - if you have one of those techno shite accounts then you are sad fucking, no life, metrosexual twat.

Anyone who has the time to spend posting up pictures of them being sick, drinking, gurning into a camera, or what-the fuck-ever on any techno shite site needs to get out and have a real life - you sad internet nerds.

Charlies Law states that there is a direct relationship between the amount of techno shite you use and how much of a saddo you are.

The more you twit, the more you are a twat.

How egotistical do you have to be to want to set up your own twitter account anyway.

Like anyone is interested in what YOU are doing.

As for charlie - what makes you think he has a life worth following on your mobile phone anyway.

People like you used to be called stalkers at one time.

Now you crave the little messages that pop up your phone from your hero charlie like slaves once enjoyed getting a good whipping of off their masser.

Like how interesting can it be working at The Guardian anyway for fucks sake.

HERES A DAY IN CHARLIES LIFE ;

Hi, its me. I am at work in the guardian office. Writing an interesting article about my youth in a village. I had a dog. He got run over by a tractor. I cried. please love me.


Hi, had a mung bean salad in the Guardian canteen. very tasty. Orange juice had little bits in it. I dont like that.


Hi, I am in an office meeting. really important. Is black coffee racist ? We dont know but from now on I am going to call it ' coffee with a tone that is not racist in any way'. Right on. Fuck me we do some important shit here in The Guardian.


Hi, Met Gordon Brown last night. What a cunt. Nuff said.


Hi, does anyone have a cure for gential warts ? My knob is as red as a cardinals robe.


Hi, I have updated my facebook account with some really important shit. Its a picture of me trying on my new Armani trousers ethically produced in a lesbian collective in Guam. Paid ten grand for them. fucking bargain.


Hi, I had a wank last night. Watched Nell with Jodie Foster. Dat film is da dope !


Hi, I have just eaten a ham sandwich. Dont tell the BOSS ! ho ho


Hi, I am the Guradian office party. We are playing 'Pass the ethical parcel in a non-confrontational way'. I won ! Hoorah. It was an organic carrot. Very tasty yum, yum.

>

FUCK OFF AND DIE CHARLIE BROOKER.

ANYONE THAT TWITTERS IS A CUNT.

ANYONE THAT RECIEVES A TWITTER IS A CUNT.
























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61 comments:

Al said...

So twitter is egotistical yet a blog isn't?

you're funny...

Anonymous said...

"How egotistical do you have to be to want to set up your own blog anyway.

Like anyone is interested in what YOU are doing."

Anonymous said...

LOL @ you raging on your blog, which no-one cares what the fuck you are doing and, because of your shitty posts, is going to be full of comments about how much of a cock you are.


Should've maybe not talked about your feelings on the internet, you fucking moron.

Anonymous said...

I love the left wing media shites. They dont realise how loathed and detested they really are. Lee your writing remains brilliant. Good news is that all the MSM papers are in decline as people realise they ve been lied to for too long. So if I was a journo in London I would be looking at alternative careers because you 'll all be unemployed within five years.

Steven Webster said...

Don't bite too much, guys!

Send the buggers back. said...

If you have one of those techno shite accounts then you are sad fucking, no life, metrosexual twat.

Is this actually satire or just a techno shite plea for hits?

Richard Vivmeister Hirst said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
xthemusic said...

You obviously enjoy us posting hatred on your comments. That's good though, as we rather enjoy it as well.

Especially loved the part where you talk about how egotistical we all are, yet....you post on a blog.

If you didn't understand any of that i'll sum it all up in 3 words.

YOU'RE A CUNT

Richard Vivmeister Hirst said...

This is all a jape, right?

Oh, no wait - you must be one of the brainless, spunk-witted redneck-types the BNP are currently trying to get to shut the fuck up because you keep churning out unfeasibly angry shite like this blog. I mean, c'mon: "My knob is as red as a cardinals robe"

What are you, a Freudian's wet-dream?

Tom said...

Just so you know if you're really so keen on all that's English I've a copy of your essays I've gone over with red pen so you can repost and perhaps try to make more sense. In actual English.

Anonymous said...

It's a shame to rant on about how sad and terrible us tweeters are. Since we are going to be the cause of your death.

WHAT A TREMENDOUS FUCKING CUNT YOU ARE!

XX

Hep cat said...

"need to get out and have a real life - you sad internet nerds."

Seriously? So you're telling me that writing a blog for no other reason than hoping that other low educated idiots will approve your rants? The fact you say TWAT every two words says it all.

Well done you.

Andraste said...

Charlie Brooker is a pathetic, deluded self-loather along with all the other self-loathing idiots who have swarmed out of their shitholes.

These idiots have never even read what the BNP stands for, instead they perform like the programmed drones they are and foam at the mouth at the mention of the BNP, like Pavlovian attack dogs.

No wonder society is such a mess when you see these brainless freaks spewing their bile

JonB said...

WTF? Someone on a BLOG saying its egotistical to set up a Twitter account?

The stupidity of these racists never ceases to amaze or amuse me lol

La BĂȘte said...

Oh, dear. This is very very embarrassing. You're incredibly unevolved, aren't you? I mean, you have a very small brain. Does it ever occur to you that this is the case, I wonder. God, I feel for you.

Anonymous said...

Why is this so awful?

The (hearteningly few) positive comments make the whole experience akin to watching a man fire an arrow at a target, miss hopelessly, then hear all his mates tell him it was a bullseye.

Anonymous said...

What exactly is intellectually revolutionary about shitting your pants over what a Guardian columnist said about BNP?

At least you're complaining on the internet rather than beating up Jews.

cuntpuffin said...

Yeah, but speaking as a vagina bearer, I know who i'd go to bed with. I'll give you a clue...it's not you.

Frances said...

I love how you are unable to see the irony of calling people who use twitter egotistical. Clear yet another example of the ignorance of those who share your views :)

Keep it up, your hateful rants are atually quite entertaining.

Rory said...

I love Twitter because it helps like-minded people get together and wind up racists.

pete said...

Interesting how the lefties complain about grammer and use of foul language. Then you read some of their comments which reveal them to be barely literate. There's the left for you! humbugs .

Anonymous said...

You're not very concise are you? I can't be bothered reading to the end of any of these posts.

Anonymous said...

is this chris morris?

ZenArcade said...

Hahaha oh Lee Barnes, your blogs are as insightful as they are fun to read. And by insightful I mean for all the wrong reasons. insightful because it provides a fly-on-the-wall glimpse into the mind of a bigoted cunt such as yourself, and the utter inability you display in acctually making a coherent point.

Yes, Charlie twitteres the link to your post, but we came here of our own volution, not because we were told. We came because we feel the need to stand up to what you are: a fucking bully.

Most of us commenting here love Charlies work because it's interesting, funny, and entertaining, all the while thought provoking too. Reading your posts just makes us sick. Fuck off, cunt.

Keiths_Dad said...

I would post something condescending here, but I'm much more tolerant than that.

Fancy a cuddle?

RT said...

You really seem to act like a 12 year-old, to say you're 43. Society changes. Social networking is very much a popular thing that help business, and does a good job of keeping friendships going.

I think the fact that you slate people who use/support something you don't like by calling them "twats" or "window lickers" pretty much sums up what tools like you and the BNP do to try and somehow make this country a "better place" in your warped vison. I really don't see how anyone could be so wrong, yet you amaze me. Grow up.

Andraste said...

Typical behavior of the Charlie Brooker self-loathers is thus:

i) Label anyone who disagrees with them as a racist
ii) Only post crap onto Lee Barnes' blog and go on about spelling mistakes as that is sufficient to discredit the content of the articles
iii) Hate themselves for being white (and therefore innately evil)
iv) Never actually read the BNP website because "it's evil"
v) Subconsciously use the BNP as the object of their own inner-hatred
iv) Follow the lastest gimmicks and trends, so that they are cool and fit in with their metrosexual f-buddies
vii) Believe that WWII was fought to save the Jews and against intolerance
viii) Feel pumped up and get a sense of self-worth by running blind with a unthinking mob
ix) Surround themselves with other freaks, so that they can feel some collective self-esteem and yet on their own they are depressed
x) Need to always feel superior to someone else
xi) Are suffering for Narcissistic Personality Disorder
xii) Can one any moment contradict themselves, because depending on what is popular or cool will determine their views

La BĂȘte said...

And what the fuck is wrong with mung beans?

Andraste said...

Charlie is feeling an immense sense of self-worth now that he sees how much he is loved by his unthinking goons.

Andraste said...

Some of Charlie's army are stating that the BNP are over reacting to be bothered about what their god has written in the Guardian about the BNP, hold on though, but aren't Charlie's army over-reacting about what Lee Barnes wrote on his blog about Charlie Brooker?

Another classic piece of self-loathers hypocrisy. In their demented minds they can twist reality at any moment into any form they wish such is the fucked up nature of these idiots.

Anonymous said...

Of course you don't like social network sites. You need friends to go on those. Of course, your friends are all the same as you, idiotic cunts who base their entire lives over one single thought. Unlike other people who have and will say stuff to you like "I hope you get shot" or "I hope you get run over by a bus you massive cuntarsed wank" I hope you live a long life. I hope you live to 100, and when you are a old frail man, with only your excuse of a brain working, full of racist thoughts like dead goldfish floating in a shit infested fish-bowl, I hope you get bullied. I don't mean the odd tease, I mean physically abused. I hope a perfectly legal immigrant is your carer, I hope he cuts you, poisons you, I hope he takes away whatever remaining respect you may have. Although that might be hard, as nobody respects you. You are a sad man, a lonely man, who cannot enjoy the simple things in life because of your single minded theories. You sir, are a cunt. A cunt who doesn't represent Great Britain, but represents all racist. You are no better than a Nazi. PS: For somebody so proud to be British, your use of English language is nothing short of laughable.

weedcrusher said...

Ho-ho!
Love the spittle-flecked twitterings of the lefty fuckdust retards!
Lefties? I shit 'em before breakfast!

Enjoy -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfjzKYXzsjA

Andraste said...

Look at all these idiots, feeling self-esteem because they are Charlies mates. How pathetic. We love you Charlie, we'll do anything for you Charlie... we believe anything you say Charlie... would you like me to suck your flaccid cock Charlie?

Twitter from Charlie: "I am delighted by all your work guys, keep posting to Lee Barnes' blog - btw, I am wanking as I write this"

loonie left said...

cunt cunt cunt. I m a left wing moron and have a limited vocabulary. I m writing this from my bed sit in Peckham, whilst wanking over internet porn. I think Charlie' brill.

Charlies intellectually challenged bedwetters said...

Seems some people have confused egotistical self centered navel gazing, circle jerking Twitter and Facebook with selfless promotion of a missunderstood political doctrine.

Says a lot about Charlie never heard of him and his stalkers and celeb window lickers!

So Charlies bitches and bedwetters arrive en masse, how pathetic is that?

Keep up the great blog Lee.

Andraste said...

Twiiter from Charlies lastet squeeze: "Charlies as anus is twitching so frantically he is presently unable to Twitter, he understand that this will cause you some concern but rest assured once I have orally massaged his stinking sphincter he will be back to his normal twattish self".

Anonymous said...

you know what, i prefer the view from the metrosexual left because there's less bigoted morons like you spoiling it for everyone else.

Migrant Worker said...

Like many other commenters here I was intrigued enough to Google the words BNP Lee Barnes. Gosh, there's some interesting links there!

Why don't you make more of the fact that the fine mind behind this blog is also the BNP's Legal Director?

EuanDewar said...

I like how you.

Talk in.

Completely seperate.

Sentences.

Which serve.

No purpose at all.

See?

Annoying isnt it?

Barry Scott said...

Blimey, six blog posts in one day! Do you actually have a job?

Duncan said...

The BNP are on twitter so maybe you do have a point

Anonymous said...

Bloody hell mate you've hit a raw nerve there. It seems as if quite a few of the unwashed have thrown their lentils out of the bowl.
Your description of the uni/student types, although very funny, is extremely accurate.
Why do they adopt this deranged persona and dress sense?

Male middle class leftist - che t-shirt, jeans that hang round their arse, suit jacket complete with communist pin badges and of course, more zits than pubes.

Shemale leftist - half arsed attempt at dreadlocks, himmler's spectacles, multicoloured stripy jumper, military combat trousers and oxblood DM's. It is important for the shemale leftist to do its best, to never ever look, in anyway, feminine.

Is it just me or have you seen the two creatures above?

K

Still laughing

jenikkimagic said...

Metrosexual? That's a bit sexist, isn't it?

Stephen said...

I'm starting to think you're having a laugh.
I don't think anyone could write as you do without understanding the total irony in making derogatory remarks against twitter & other electronic media via the medium of a BLOG.

I just spent a minute to check you out (in a mentrosexual way obviously). It seems you really are a member of the BNP as you link to this "personal" blog from http://landfolkandliberty.blogspot.com/. Thanks for scaring the shit out of me, i was certain this was a joke. The idea of people who cannot spell or even form coherent sentances running a country is so funny my bowel just prolapsed.

Anonymous said...

INTERNET HATE MACHINE

noFag said...

Stare at a gimp lefty limpdick and its arse pops open :-)

Anonymous said...

Lee,

Your doctor left a message earlier - you haven't been taking your medication like you are supposed to and he is very concerned about you.

Make an appointment, ASAP, there's a good chap.

Oh and he said your results came back, as expected it is syphilis.

Anonymous said...

I am really confused by your blog. You seem to have two sides to you. One a highly expressive persona that prefers context and prose used within poems and affecting writing (although the material does seem to be a little obvious.) The other just wants to invoke hatred and nothing more. You remind me of the Westboro Baptist Church. They also seem only to provoke hatred and disgust at themselves.

They do not try to convert fellow human beings to their religion and view on life. Neither do you. Your only goal seems to be to get people to post hateful messages onto your website in order for you to in-turn post hateful pieces about them. This is proven in this very blog post about only 'twats' using twitter and other social networking sites.

I see only two main reasons for this happening, either you really are that dumb or (even worse) you just want to incite hatred in your fellow man.

What is your motivation?

Anonymous said...

Does it hurt you inside every time you go to sleep and realise that st george was a turk and st georges cross was the flag of an italian province that the christian crusaders just took.

If you consider capturing and pretending we have a right to have it british then go suck the queens toes if you're going to have that imperialistic attitude

Wonathan Joss said...

Twitter and Facebook are just two more communities that a screw-up like you doesn't fit into. The secret behind these online communities is that they require a decent amount of actual communication and interpersonal skills - just like 'real-world' physical society; which is where you fall short.

Without knowing you personally I can only speculate that your lack of ability to form bonds with people and to understand British society is due to a hideous deformity or prolonged enforced isolation.

Bye

Wonathan Joss said...

Twitter and Facebook are just two more communities that a screw-up like you doesn't fit into. The secret behind these online communities is that they require a decent amount of actual communication and interpersonal skills - just like 'real-world' physical society; which is where you fall short.

Without knowing you personally I can only speculate that your lack of ability to form bonds with people and to understand British society is due to a hideous deformity or prolonged enforced isolation.

Bye

Dave said...

Well done on this parody, Lee. It's only by lampooning the BNP with such gross caricatures as this that you'll show up the ridiculousness of their position. With your gift for satire, we'll make sure the BNP never gets Britain's votes. Bravo!

The Line said...

Fuck off you sad sad sad man. England doesn't need racist morons like you who struggle to spell. You going to blame your poor grammar and spelling on the left? On immigrants? Maybe they took "your" place at the local school. Please take yourself and all your wonderful BNP friends to the nearest bridge with a decent length of rope each.

Bailey said...

Honestly, don't feed the troll!

Anonymous said...

Eh.. Hypocrite?

Anonymous said...

you call this revolutionary?
boring!
sounds like a load of bitter, twisted shite to me.
what a waste of 15 minutes of my life.
im sure charlie brooker is quaking with fear.

Rob said...

Heres an example of one of the "twitter twats"

http://twitter.com/BNPChairman

David Beckham said...

you very obviously live alone

Anonymous said...

pete said...

"Interesting how the lefties complain about grammer and use of foul language. Then you read some of their comments which reveal them to be barely literate. There's the left for you! humbugs."

This coming from a brain-dead wingnut who can't enev SPELL grammar! Genius!

Andraste said...

"Typical behavior of the Charlie Brooker self-loathers is thus:

viii) Feel pumped up and get a sense of self-worth by running blind with a unthinking mob
ix) Surround themselves with other freaks, so that they can feel some collective self-esteem and yet on their own they are depressed
x) Need to always feel superior to someone else
xi) Are suffering for Narcissistic Personality Disorder"

Ask your psychiatrist about projection.

Having said that I do agree that the BNP provide an excellent service to those who need someone to feel superior to.

Rich said...

I know it's all been said already, but how hypocritical can you be. You criticise those that post on facebook, twitter etc. then post your drivelly shite on this sad excuse of a blog.

You sir are indeed a prick!

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