Friday, 13 August 2010

Jim Dowson and the Tragic Tale of Mr. Whippy

The events you will read below are real.

Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

If you have recently eaten then I suggest you do not read this expose.

After the BNP party activists got Der Fuhrer Plankton and Andrew Brons elected after the recent European elections, the Griffin cabal decided to have a back slapping junket in Blackpool.

All funded by the party of course.

Griffin never pays a penny, ever.

It is postulated that in Nick Griffins trousers pockets a small localised black hole exists, as whatever money goes into his trousers pockets vanishes into an alternate universe - never to be seen again.

In fact I hear that tapeworms are now studying Nick Griffin as an example of a successful parasite.

Anyway at this junket the usual thing happened and it turned into a BNP drunken piss up.

Now after a few beers it appears that one BNP officer who I shall name as Mister X got lucky with a certain other female BNP member.

“A-ha”, he thought “Ive pulled ! That’s the first time since Bucks Fizz were in the charts ! “.

And off he trotted to his salubrious hotel room followed by the champagne swigging Reverent Dowson and potential victim.

They all sat in the palatial hotel room knocking back glass after glass of Moet until Mister X rose to relieve himself in the bathroom.

Like all mature chaps after a few beers, it appears that Mister X was experiencing a few problems with his little friend Mr.Whippy.

It appeared that whilst MR. X was raring to go, Mr.Whippy was more interested in going to sleep.

So off Mister X went into the bathroom to knock back a Viagra or two and take a dump before the ravishing of aforementioned drunken maiden began could proceed as planned.

In the meantime Jim Dowson and the drunken maiden were left in the room talking.

After a good clear out, a spray of Old Spice aftershave to cover the stench and definite signs of Mr.Whippy rising forth from his previous state of flaccidity, Mister X flushed the chain, opened the bathroom door and strode forth into the room in order to service the maiden, good and proper like.

Mr. Whippy was now straining at the leash like a Jack Russell thats seen a rabbit

In the meantime though, Jim Dowson had seen the opportunity to make a quick buck (sorry slight a mis-spelling there) and had gone in for the kill.

Imagine his shock when upon exiting the bathroom Mr. X discovered the randy reverend Dowson had dropped his crock and got out his ............ Well, you get the picture.

There was Jim Dowson, trousers round his ankles thrusting forth into the maiden all three inches of his prize Scottish pizzle.

Poor old Mr. X !

Poor old Mr.Whippy !

Luckily for the pair of them all was not lost.

This drunken damsel was so drunk she did not appear to even notice when Mr. Whippy became engaged in the action via some oral engagement.

I can honestly say to even imagine that sordid scene is enough to sicken one to the stomach.

Imagine the pasty human maggot Jim Dowson on his vinegar strokes, his glasses all steamed up with passion, a small plaster wrapped around the crucifix he wears around his neck (so Jesus couldn’t see what Jim was doing) , screaming out the name of the Pope and the saints as he approaches his rapture with a howl of “ HALLELUJAH BABY ! “

In the meantime Mr. X and Mr. Whippy were making the most of their small mouthful in the action.

Its an image so repulsive that I suspect it would have made Ron Jeremy choose to become celibate if he had ever seen it.

If there was ever a lesson for kids to learn about the dangers of binge drinking, then this was it.

If only the hotel CCTV cameras had filmed the incident.

It could have been shown to 18 year old young people with a drink problem to reveal to them just what drinking can do to you, and how far a human being can descend into the depths of utter depravity after a few Cheeky Vimto’s and a few bottle of champers.

Don’t end up like that kids.

When you are in a room with Jim Dowson, make sure you don’t get drunk.

If you ever see a female BNP member with a strange haunted look in her eyes, similar to the Thousand Yard Stare of the American troops that came back from the horrors of Vietnam, then that’s probably her.

( The names in this story have been changed to protect the guilty )

UPDATE - Where are they today ?

Mr. Whippy has gone into full retirement after suffering permanent erectile dysfunction as a result of what the doctors define as ‘Post Coital Dowson Syndrome’ which is an affliction experienced by any human whose has had the misfortune to witness the naked, or semi-naked, Jim Dowson.

Jim Dowson is now running the BNP. He is to be played in a forthcoming movie by the actor Danny De Vito wearing a face mask that resembles an arse.

Mr. X is now on medication for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Miss Z is now a homosexual.

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Anonymous said...

Priceless Mr Barnes. I see a new career beckoning as a satirist.
There is that much material from Griffin and his goons you would find work for the next decade. Keep it up mate; we especially need a laugh during these hard times. After all is it not a unique English trait. To laugh in the face of adversity.

Anonymous said...

Thats not fair Lee your not playing nicely come on spill the beans on the names lol?

Anonymous said...

Even though the dirty pair are guilty as hell,get a grip Lee or it will be you people are ridiculing. and THEN NO ONE WILL listen to the truth and warnings about some people still running the BNP.
You are not in the party now, find your own way to help the people that need it.
And more importantly Lee let your own personal life evolve.

Anonymous said...

pure bollox

Anonymous said...

Dowson's son has just been arrested on fraud charges do not know if it's connected with the party as yet but would like to ask Nick Griffin why he was taken in for questioning by the europol police at hauwerstraat 7 central police station and had to pay a 30 thousand + Euros bail to be released on tuesday.
Also Dowson's villa in spain was raided last week with his brother inlaw and gardener arrested. The net is closing in on Griffin and co.

Bob Suruncle said...

I was involved in the NF during the eighties and the sort of rumours surrounding the sexual antics of Mr & Mrs Griffin would make this threesome sound like a Saucy Blackpool postcard.

I've a very strong feeling that this sort of carry on hasn't gone away and we'll be hearing lots of this sort of filth over the next few months...

Anonymous said...

Would Eddy Butler and his cronies be a moral example or just as bad? Would their antics be more PC due to the level of homosexuality involved?

Nick Griffin will have to make a definitive statement on all of this. Too many people believe that at least there is no smoke without fire. If Dowson can't keep it in his pants then he cannot work for our party. Simple as that.

Finding Fake Vicars Everywhere said...

Just off the phone to Phil Collins.....well you know that's the kind of circles some of us mix in. Anyway he said the lyrics of his 1992 chart hit were very apt. You get the drift, something about fake vicars and all that. Not saying Dowson is a fake vicar as I am sure he is 100% genuine but the lyrics struck a chord!

You see the face on the tv screen
Coming at you every sunday
See that face on the billboard
That man is me

On the cover of the magazine
There's no question why I'm smiling
You buy a piece of paradise
You get a piece of me

I'll get you everything you wanted
I'll get you everything you need
Don't need to believe in hereafter
Just believe in me

Cos jesus he knows me
And he knows I'm right
I've been talking to jesus all my life
Oh yes he knows me
And he knows I'm right
And he's been telling me
Everything is alright

I believe in the family
With my ever loving wife beside me
But she don't know about my girlfriend
Or the man I met last night......."