Saturday, 3 October 2009
The James Bethell Top Lip Appeal
Hi, I am James.
I am disabled.
I am a tory.
I also do not have a top lip.
My fathers connections, Lord Vader (sorry Bethell) managed to get me a job with the Conservativehome website as before that I was just another useless toff, a total drain on society whose friends were all coke snorting posh druggies, like George Osbourne.
I used to be in the Bullingdon Society with David Cameron and Boris Johnson, and I was a witness as all my posh chums smashed up local pubs in Oxford, vomited in the streets, hired black hookers for gang bangs and called them a 'nigger' whilst watching them have sex with their clients.
Yes, I am ashamed of my past.
Now I do a real job running the Nothing British About the BNP website. This site reveals the truth about the BNP, and you can trust everything we write on there because we are tories and the conservative party pays the bills for the site.
But I need your help.
I was born with no top lip and no chin.
The operation to give me a top lip and to build me a new chin costs a lot of money, and I havent any money as I spend it all on training my racehorses for Ascot.
Without this operation I cannot smoke cuban cigars as my missing top lip means they start singeing my neck when they dangle down where my chin should be.
Without a chin, a genetic defect caused by centuries of inbreeding, my voice sounds like a womans voice, except when I laugh and then it sounds like a donkey braying.
When I was a child I was mocked for having no top lip at public school, though having a rich family meant I could hire a hitman to shoot all those who tormented me.
Therefore I would like you to send me the money to pay for my operation.
The address to send your money too is ;
The Manor House,
Make sure you mark the letter 'For the Attention of Jeeves' as I never answer my own mail, my butler Jeeves does that for me.
Thank you in advance for your kind generosity,
Baron James Bethell,