Friday 18 July 2008
Stop The Lee Barnes Brain Wave Attacks Helmet
Image - Denise Garside modelling ' The Stop The Lee Barnes Brain Wave Attcks Helmet' as sold by Lancaster Unity.
I was sent a copy of this e mail below which has been sent to all five members of Lancaster Unity including Ketlans inflatable doll girlfriend and Denise Garfields deflated and suicidal plastic girlfriend.
" Amazing technological breakthrough from the same people that bring you the Lancaster Unity blog shite.
Do you like us see the evil and dastardly Lee Barnes all around you all the time and all over the internet ?
Do you like us visit Lee Barnes's blog and Stormfront more often than you should ?
YOU TOO CAN FIGHT BACK AGAINST THE EVIL ONE !
For all those like us at Lancaster Unity who see the evil and dastardly Lee Barnes, or THE DEVIL as we call him at Lancaster Unity, lurking around at all times on the internet there is now a cure.
You will no longer have to tolerate his evil presence being in your mind at all times and he will no longer be able to appear at will in your gardens, your fridges and even in your curdled yoghurts.
Our chief scientist Ketlan Tossoffski has developed our patented ' Stop Lee Barnes Brain Wave Attacks Helmet' and we can now offer this fantastic product for sale.
At the moment Lee Barnes is able to appear at will anywhere in the world, fly without his underpants outside his trousers, neuter small pets with a mere glance and also to post under ten names on stormfront at least a hundred times a day.
He is also able to organise the entire forces of evil on the planet, adminster the dark realms of hell and control fire, floods, famine, war and disease.
When you wear the patented 'Stop Lee Barnes Brain Wave Attacks Helmet' not only will the remote sensing attacks from Lee Barnes stop but you will also appear to be a futuristic raver who has popped a few too many disco biscuits in the eighties.
You thought you could never look as cool as Ketlan Tossoffski but now you can !
The helmet is a bargain at £150 and all cheques must be made payable to ' The UK Zionist Network' and sent to ' The Guard, The Secure Mental Health Suite, Lancaster Hospital, Lancaster'.
The helmet is also guaranteed to stop attacks from vampires, sharks and daleks.
Here are a few testimonials from satisified customers ;
" I used to wake up, inject smack and then see Lee Barnes running around my bedsit in red underpants singing the Birdy Song, but since I bought the amazing ' Stop the Lee Barnes Brain Wave Attack Helmet' I feel great - Pete Doherty, part time talentless singer and full time junkie.
" When I ran London then Lee Barnes would appear in my office with the legions of hell and threaten to spank me on my bare buttocks with a giant banana but since I bought the amazing 'Stop Lee Barnes Brain Wave Attack Helmet' he no longer appears and even Boris Johnson no longer speaks to me through the TV in Urdu ! " - Ken Livingstone, Ex- Communist and full time alcoholic.
" I am cured ! " - Dracula, lord of the undead and distant relation of Lee Barnes
" This product should be banned as it is racist " - Stavros, Leader of the Daleks