Saturday 17 January 2009

BBC Staff Memo Leaked

A memo issued by the BBC to all its staff has been condemned as 'excessive' by some unhappy BBC insiders.

The memo states that all BBC staff during sexual intercourse must shout out the words ' Oh Barack Obama ' instead of 'Oh God' at the point of orgasm.

It has been said that even speaking the words 'Barack Obama' has produced an 'On Air Orgasm' for certain male and female BBC newsreaders.

George Amrilliwallah has, it is said in the BBC, to wear two condoms when reading news stories about Obama.

Prepare for more Obama hysteria over the next few weeks.


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Anonymous said...

Believe it or not, I saw people selling Obama condoms in Times Square. I'm not joking nor trying to be funny (or perverted).

Anonymous said...

LOL - excellent.

It is truly perverse how the media are fawning over Obama - saw that slimeball Adam Boulton report something about Obama, and he deliberately took his time saying "Barack... Hussein... Obama" - he was savouring each word - it was blatant homo-erotica - each word produced an involuntary disharge in his kaks - fucking disgusting.

Soon in the backdrop of each newsroom there will be hung on the wall Obama on a cross. And every time a journo enters the room he is overcome with piety and a tear forms in their eyes and yet they are sexual aroused - ahh, the bitter sweet rapture of seeing the Obama figure...


...Mel Gibson hopes to restore his directoral career with his dead cert latest offerring... The Passion of the Obama.

...Thousands of people in the Bangladeshi port city of Chittagong are flocking to a Roman Catholic church where tears are reported to have been seen on a statue of the Virgin Mary - the crowds are assigning this mircale to the inauguration of Obama.

...Scientist and astronomers are directing their attentions to a area on Mars, which appears to show the face of Obama. Milo Jacobs of the SETI program said: "We are all excited by this discovery... I'll even go on record to say that it shows there must have been an advanced civilization on Mars, perhaps at a more advanced stage of evolution than us, and they have been waiting for us to reach a level where we can communicate with them and it seems to be that the coming of Obama has elevated humanity in the view of the advanced galatic intelligences".

...A dog from Skegness is apparently able to growl what sounds like Obama... Sally Gunnell, the owner of the 3 year old Shih Tzu, says: "Its really weird, as soon as Obama came on telly, Betty just started growling and everyone who has listened agrees she is saying Obama."

...Archeologists in Peru have unearthed an ancient Incan temple deep in the jungle. Amongst the relics is a stone statue almost completely preserved. Chief archeologist Hector Ramirez described the find of the statue: "It's perfect, one of the best of its kind, but its condition is of secondary significance, because it is undeniably the image of President barack Obama", he laughs and shakes his head, his final words on the subject: "It's weird".


Anonymous said...

Obama mania - spreading through households across the UK...

Go to 1:48 of this video

Anonymous said...

Lifelong car mechanic Joe Longson from Portland, Oregon, tells a remarkable story of divine intervention.

Joe says: "I was in the pit, the pit at the garage, I was working late, I was tired and somehow I dropped my oxy-acetylene welding torch and it ignited the petrol and stuff which had gathered at the bottom of the pit... I was trapped because the flames where between me and the steps to get out of the pit.

Obviously somewhat traumatised Joe takes a moment to compose himself, takes a mouthful of coffee, then goes on: "So, I was scared, really scared... I didn't know what to do, there was no-one else around so shouting was pointless, the gap under the car was just too small for me to crawl under - I tought this is it Joe, this is the end... but then there was this blinding light, from the garage - and the heat from the flames was buring my skin, but I looked out under the car and then... you won't believe me, everyone thinks I am mad..." he wipes a tear from his eye: "... and I saw barack Obama in the garage, he was there surrounded by this glowing white light, and a host of angels where behind him, with trumpets, and he simply looked at me, like a father looks at a new born baby, like I looked at my son, and he raised his arms and the car lifted into the air, and I climbed out."

Joe breaks down, and starts sobbing uncontrollably, after several minutes he continues: "I was not a religious man, in fact I was known as a hell-raiser, but this has changed everything... you could say I have seen the light." He laughes as the tears roll down his face, soaking his shirt. Finally he says: "I would like to say this Obama is Christ - I will worship that man for the rest of my life."

Joe has now quit his job as a mechanic, and started the Obama Missionary Communion - he hopes his message will give others hope - the audacity of hope, which will enable the world to come together to end all wars, starvation, diseases, and that everyone will be able to live forever, under the glorious incarnation of Christ that is Barack Obama.

A moving story I think you will agree... but we are receving countless stories like Joe's... it seems Obama becoming president is causing a rift in the time-space continuum - turning all previous laws of physics and religious ideologies on their head. For example, only today the head of ecclesiology in the Vatican announced that he would be gathering 20 of the greatest Catholic minds together to debate how many Obama's can dance on the head of a pin... stay tuned for more...