Friday 12 February 2010

Andrew Gilligan Wins The Big Island Debate

Exclusive news just in.

Andrew Gilligan, the London Editor of The Telegraph newspaper has tonight won The Big Debate on Gilligans Island.

Andrew Gilligan in The Big Debate had lined up against him a tough array of opponents in the debate entitled ' The BNP are all nasty'.

First of all was The Seagull whose stance in the debate was to defend free speech. Andrew tore his argument to pieces, especially after he flew off seeking a pilchard.

Also opposing Andrew Gilligan was The Crab, whose stance in the debate was to argue that all ethnic groups in a democracy have the right to organise and represent their interests in the multi-cultural and political process, including Indigenous British people.

Andrew Gilligan demolished every argument the crab was unable to articulate as the crab could not speak English ( or even speak as it was a crab ).

But his main opponent in The Big Debate on Gilligans Island was Lily, who once dated one of the stars of The Mighty Boosh TV show but whose relationship split after she was convicted of spousal abuse.

Lily was putting forward the proposition that it has been Liberalism which has created the current rise in support for Nationalism at the same time as Liberalism has itself become Fascistic in regards to the creation of the Surveillance Society, restrictions on free speech, illegal Oil Imperialism wars in Iraq, corporate fascism via the banking bailout and the outsourcing of torture.

Andrew Gilligan defeated her arguments simply because, though Lily is very pretty and has a mouth, she is fact a coconut and cannot talk.

Andrew Gilligan spoke to Andrew Gilligan after The Big Debate was finished and said to himself ' Yeah I was great wasnt I. Those guys didnt have a chance'.

Asked by himself whether he thought it might have been a good idea to actually invite human beings capable of speaking who are members of the BNP to participate in the debate, he replied to himself 'Are you trying to be fucking funny mate' then punched himself twice in the face and run off into the jungle bushes.

Its just another great day on Gilligans Island.

Image - Gilligans Island where the Big Debate was held.

Image - The Seagull, an opponent in the debate.

Image - The Crab, who also opposed Andrew Gilligan in the debate.

Image - Andrew Gilligan, The Winner.

Image - the judge of the debate. His gavel is attached to a piece of string controlled by Adrian Gilligan's hand.

Image - Lily, Andrew Gilligans main debate opponent. Though she is a looker, she likes to give her fella's a slap after she has had a few shandies, so best avoided unless you like geeza birds.

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Andraste said...

Brilliant. Looking forward to more tales from Andrew Gilligans Island!

This just in... Whilst sunning his mammoth fat self on the beach of Gilligans Island, and smug in victory from the recent debate, Andrew was mistaken by for a beached whale by a passing porpoise. However, being ever the opportunist Andrew wasted no time and challenged Pete, the porpoise, to a debate on the Islamification of Britain. After mere minutes of intellectual battering the porpoise swam away, obviously Pete was no match for the mighty Gilligan. Afterwards, Andrew had this to say about his debate with Pete:

"Obviously I take no pleasure in asserting my intellectual superiority over this lesser mammal, but that porpoise was a racist, so I made sure I saw him off with my infallible reasoning."

By chance a couple of hours later Pete passed by once more and we took the opportunity to ask him a few questions, however, he was obviously still reeling from the debate with Gilligan and after diving for some fish nearby chose to swim away without a comment. Obviously he was lost for words.

Well, another day draws to an end on Andrew Gilligans Island... another day where Gilligan has seen off all comers with casual ease.

Will there ever be a creature capable of challenging the mighty Gilligan?

Andraste said...

Photo of racist Pete the porpoise after the defeat by Gilligan - putting on a brave face and still smiling despite the hurt inside!

Lex said...

Nice one, Lee ;-)

Are you reading this, Gilliband?

Not so clever now, eh!

Anonymous said...

Interesting Gilligan has now relented and allowed comments on a seperate blog saying there was a problem and thats why no comments were initially allowed. The real reason is that commentators just started adding comments to other Telegraph bloggers eg Norman Tebbit so getting around the censorship.

Anonymous said...

Who the hell is Andrew Gilligan anyway? I've never heard of him, but I do enjoy coconuts once in a while. Whick kind of tells me all I need to know really.

Great post, Lee.

: D