Monday 18 May 2009

What Happened to The British ?

I used to love Britain.

Do you remember it ?

That place where a goalie playing football could break his neck mid game, eat half an orange, be swabbed with a mouldy sponge and carry on playing to the end of the game with just a plaster on the section of his spine protruding.

That has been replaced by football playing ponces that kick a ball about for 10 minutes doused in rare oils and spices, followed by fawning catemites waving ferns and fronds over their slightly sweaty body and who will lay on the pitch and cry if a cuticle is damaged.

Overpaid Ponces they are called.

Today we have what I call Brookers Britain.

A simpering, pathetic land of twitting fuckwits, facebook posting arsewipes and simpering metrosexuals that are about as masculine as a former Russian female shot putter.

The only men in the metrosexual ranks are the women.

I used to love the British stiff upper lip, now we have the metro-sexual droopy dick.

Half Men with hormonal problems following the inane twittings of their latest trendy hero like flys follow a turd stuck on a runaway roller skate. FUCKING PATHETIC.

Read the comments from the Window Lickers Army of Charlie Brooker on my blog articles.

These spermless ciphers are the future of Britain.


I am impressed that most of them, no doubt university students ( aka brainwashed lemmings ) can spell 'cunt' (which they seem to enjoy calling me) let alone know what one is (except if they looked in the mirror).

This army of pussy-phobic shemale shirt lifters that follow Charlie and eagerly await his next twit on their 'oh so trendy' latest mobile phones are frankly a complete fucking embarassment.

I have to sit next to them on the tube.

They often wear huge ear phones, carry a satchel, wear a sock on their heads and all look like that cunt Chris Martin from Coldplay.

Twattus Sapiens, a new sub species of the race.

Jesus, I hate fucking Chris Martin and Coldplay.

Him whining ' My bird leeeft meeee ' makes me want to vomit.

Anyone who spends all their time writing songs about how much they love their wife/ girlfriend or writing songs with lyrics about, ' My girlfriend left me and now I am having a breadkdown', is a fucking poof.

Coldplay are the pop equivalent of spam.

A sort of 'like music, but not really' noise that you know 'trendy' muppets like to play to show their 'feelings'.

Anway back to the metro-sexual knobhead on the tube - okay we know you have an IPod and you like shit and cheesy drum and bass.

But if you play it any louder I will reach over, rip your fucking lungs from your chest and paint the carriage red with your intestines.

I dont want to hear what shit you are listening too.

I would rather hear your last gurgling breath as you pray for deliverance from my fury to the great god of simpering arse bandits.

I often fantasise about strangling them with the wires of their Ipods whilst Goldie drops a phat beat into their ears ands they slowly turn blue and vanish into dickhead oblivion.

Satre said hell was other people.

He was wrong.

Hell is where the metro-sexuals gather, that herd of sad ladyboys, oiling and preening their hairless faces, shaving their legs and chest hairs and busy twitting each other about the latest lack of a life news.

I want the old Britain back.

A land where real men and women lived, not these facimilies of real people, these mindless, souless ciphers whose entire personalities who can be replaced with a micro-chip of media conditoning that roam the streets like some zombie army of the undead.

Millions of disposable plastic people with the same disposable plastic personalities each transmitting their inane lives to each other via a fog of electronic bullshit.

Yes, I hate you as much as you hate me.

But at least I have managed to achieve a personality ( even if I am a horrible, nasty man and a 'waaaaaccciiissstt' as you define it ), whilst you are a bunch of insipid knobheads who have the personality solely of the latest technological device and the latest fashion fad.

So fuck off you non-entitry dickheads.

You aint even real.

You are just the souless product of another wankers marketing campaign.

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Anonymous said...

If you don't like it, fuck off.

Luke said...

You sad sad son of a bitch

Andraste said...

Lee the Britain you refer to is a terrifying place for these metrosexual Charlie Brooker pussies. It's a place where their bullshit would make them stand out for the demented, social freaks they are - I mean come on, what cunt wears a fucking giant sock on his head? Therefore to prevent them being exposed for the degenerate specimens they are they have to try and create a freak show circus of a society so that their own insanity appears normal. The lunatics are running the asylum.

The need constant noise, iPods, fucking socks on their heads, Twitter, Charlie Brooker bullshit, their twat mates in the uni coffee shop, they need all these things to distract them from the reality that they are simply fucked up.

xthemusic said...

I have a vision of you crying at the moment as you type this. I'm guessing you've realised how wrong you've been this whole time.

Has signs of desperation about it....

Chris Martin said...

Why the hell are you such a cunty knobhead?

AK said...

Get fucked, you intolerable bell-end.

Anonymous said...

I don't own an iphone or ipod, I dislike Chris Martin and his band of merry men, I don't partiucly like some footballers and my phone is mostly shit. Yet I don't go round being pissed off by it all, because I am not a total fucktard like yourself. Please, you don't like Britain, so leave. I hear the US is ok, maybe Australia. Of course, suicide would work.

SoulIsTheGoal said...

guilty as charged on the university front. also guilty as charged for having an IQ of 135 and a personality.
get fucked
C, U, N, T
that's how you spell cunt btw :D

Anonymous said...

Have another comment, one closer to pushing you to a full breakdown.

A shaven legged metrosexual immigrant

JonB said...

The place where a Goalie could break his neck and keep playing?

You mean the GERMAN goalkeeper Bert Trautman? lmao

How British!

Anonymous said...

it was funny at first, but now it's just getting scary.
many people whould say "i worry about you" but truthfully i don't.
i hope you get angrily distracted by someone who's skin is bit dark while crossing the road and get hit by car that wasn't made in Britain. and in your last dying moments i hope the paramedics trying to fruitlessly revive you are "foreign" and you last moments on this earth are a torment.

BNP for me said...

Hello there Lee Barnes - you literary genius

I've just come home from a 13 hr stint at work and seen you've had a busy day today on the keyboard, nice one.

I know that is a foreign language to you "work" and I hate idle c4nts like you. I will vote BNP on 4th June and I hope that the BNP will get tough on benefit scrounging douche-bags like you.

I have your Kent address (Who doesn't!) and also that of your bit of crumpet in Solihull and guess what, you piece of worthless sh1t, I'm going to point out to the Benefits Agency that a man of your undoubted talent (haha! yeah right) and keyboard skills could get a job after all and isnt an entirely useless fukieqwit after all.

I'm going to recommend you get a job as a data entry junior working for some multi-national corporate scumbags like Walmart or McDonalds. For f-sake you couldnt get a job serving behind the counter. Even I think the sight of halfp-castes are more suitable than the brain damaged bearded weirdo from Kent.

That's your fate your gormless piece of turdom, a job working for the kind of corporation you claim to hate. A fitting punishment I think.

Also, I have met blacks, jews and gays who are better people, in every sense of the word than you can ever hope to match.

Despite all that I am still voting BNP because I know you are an unoffical voice and have a lot of psychiatric problems you need to get fixed and that should not be a barrier to the BNP's success on 4th June.

Get some help of just pi55 off and die you cretin.

Mark Collette

Andraste said...

Charlie Brooker wants everyone to see this:

Anonymous said...

Nice. :D

Andraste said...

Twitter from Charlie: "Thanks guys, Bryony done a great job of pacifying me. ;-) I am now ready for my back, sack and crack waxing appointment - gonna get all metro'd up and get my ducks arse quiff more pronounced than ever - that'll show that racist Lee Barnes."

Anonymous said...

This fantasy Britain of Druidic bards, Arthurian chivalry and blankets for goal posts is very cutesy and idyllic but for someone who uses the tube and seems pretty confident blogging and posting links all over the place it seems a little bit - well, hypocritical doesnt it?

No wonder you are so angry if your betraying your own dreams by working (I presume) in town and blogging all day.

I wonder why you have such venomous views? Charlie Brooker isnt anywhere near the fawning metrosexual you keep banging on about.

Brooker is a witty and erudite satirist. In fact your writing style is equally vivid and spattered with the self same satirical observations, humor and bad language.

I am a Blakean. I am also proud bearer of the name Hartley which means, as you may know, the clearing in the woods in which stands the White Hart. I also live in the bosom of the vale of The White Horse.

I am also a liberal, pacifist, left field woman, who hates Coldplay and loves Goldie. So dont judge.

Perhaps you should concentrate on the visual poeticism - you have a talent. The racist bit of you I just dont get. At ALL.

Joe said...

"I would rather hear your last gurgling breath as you pray for deliverance from my fury"

"I often fantasise about strangling them with the wires of their Ipods"

"You aint even real."

Well done, you've officially lost your mind.

Oh and just so you know, you spent an entire post whining about how people whine nowadays. You sir, are an amazing exercise in irony.

Jewbag said...

Yes, Brooker is to blame. His niche BBC4 show and his limited pieces in the Guardian really do have mass appeal.

I'm happily amused that you're stereotyping all the people who oppose you as "metro-sexuals" when you're posting as a faceless entity, responding to faceless entities. You have no fucking idea of who or what is opposing you, and your vivid mental constructions of this non-existant enemy you've developed for yourself is bloody hilarious.

But how can a plastic product of media conditioning like me ever possibly pass judgment on someone as mighty as you?

Duncan said...

If you hate everyone and don't like Britain anymore than why don't you leave?

Andraste said...

These idiot leftists are hilarious, the amount of contradictions is quite staggering... they really don't know their arse from their elbow. Just blindly swallow the bullshit they are fed and never question anything.

Inside the leftists sick mind:

Must hate BNP... media and establishment tell me to hate BNP... I will not question their programming... I will hate BNP... I do not even know what the BNP stand for... must hate them anyway... must hate them... must hate them... must conform to my programming...

Anonymous said...

Please, for the love of God, learn how to use an apostrophe or two.

Oh, and I willingly take cock up my shitter (much like Nick Griffin does for a holiday treat). And I'm still more of a man than you'll ever be.

Andraste said...

Duncan said...

"If you hate everyone and don't like Britain anymore than why don't you leave?"

If you hate British cultures and traditions then why don't you leave - being as our traditions and cultures where here long before you fucked up self-loathers got shat into the world.

Anonymous said...

Apostrophe. It isn't just a fucking sandwich shop, you ignorant speck. If you learned to write properly most of these people would take you at least a little bit more seriously.

And ask yourself: how is being a dick, shouting into the void of the internet about a glorious Britain that didn't exist, making your life or anyone else's life any better, you giant chump.

Go and play with your kids instead.

Andraste said...

As I mentioned previously the best these fucking idiot self-loathers can go on about is spelling mistakes in Lee's posts. Is that the best you can do? A bit like the Sun's desperate lie today, when you have nothing left start flinging absolutely anything... this is an admission that you have lost the argument. The BNP have won the argument, more and more people are realising this, and you bunch of freaks will be exposed for the lunatics you are.

Kuntlick said...

"Also, I have met blacks, jews and gays .... "
- Twittertwat

Bet your dick shrank and your anus popped open eh you rancid little poof?


Anonymous said...

Hi Lee
I completely get your frustration and long for the England of my youth in the sixties and seventies too. After such a trying day, amongst many try looking up
'The Ridgeway'
'The Cleveland Way' on You Tube (sorry I'm not very computer literate).

They are evocative of the time and school hols watching any old rubbish after Robinson Crusoe and Tarzan had been on.


Anonymous said...

The poor bastard's gone mental. Amusing read though, I have newfound respect for Brooker.

Anonymous said...

I think you might cheer up a bit were you to get off the Internet.

Perhaps spending hours blogging about how much you hate Twitter, Facebook and all these other universal travesties infecting your Britain is just as sad as actually using them.

xthemusic said...

Aww...he does have a friend. This Andraste seems to have made it their job to defend this twat. My money is it on being an alternative account. Either that or they're from some mental home.

No sane person would ever agree with someone like this.

cuntpuffin said...

Damn, you're good you know, you should write for Sugar Ape.

Sam0n said...

"They often wear huge ear phones, carry a satchel, wear a sock on their heads and all look like that cunt Chris Martin from Coldplay."

Okay, fair enough I can agree with the sock thing (can't stand their hats), but complaining about their BAGS!? What do you want, everyone carrying plastic bags that 'symbolise' 70's britain with the words I HATE BLACKS printed in big letters on the side?

Anonymous said...

Britain has always been a joke of a nation pretending to actually matter on the world stage.

No one would give a shit if you were nuked into oblivion. You are THAT insignificant.

It would actually be a blessing for the world if it meant taking out the owner of this blog and his idiotic followers.

Anonymous said...

Twitter is for morons, but creating a blogger account so that you can ramble on about a load of old shit that no one gives a fuck about isn't? How conceited of you to make a blogger account, assuming that anyone cares what you have to say...

bighairyracistnaziscaresfaggots :-_ said...

Lee, thanks for bringing the limpdicks over to give us a laugh.

We know their arses pop open and they cream off at the thought of being bummed by a big "nazi".


Thomas A. Hawk said...


How does it feel to have a mental breakdown on your internet Blog? you fucking sad act. You piss and moan about Britain being crap because of all the "metrosexuals", but at least they aren't cock sucking cry babies like you.

I bet this all stems from one incident. Maybe you spent the day cleaning shit out of a blocked drain (the only job someone of your intelligence is qualified for) and some suited, iPod owning nonce walked past you and didn't give you the time of day. Probably because you were knee deep in shit crying about how Britain has gone to pot.

But hey, at least you can go online at the end of the day and whine. KEEP DOING YOUR COUNTRY PROUD

Anonymous said...

"I often fantasise about strangling them with the wires of their Ipods"

Good to know you're the "legal department" of a potential future leadrs of the UK.

Also I liked your remark about music being stupid for expressing feelings. You realize if music didn't express any feelings you'd probably be listening to silence? Fucking idiot.

xthemusic was right; these posts have a hint of desperation about them. You realize you're wrong and it's showing itself in these really badly written, badly realized rants.

scousemember said...

Lee you're right.I have temporarily closed my facebook account i just don't want to know what other people are doing I'm just not bothered if "Daz" has just had beans on toast i wish i never joined that shit website in the first place,i think i've been incredibly stupid adding people i don't even know (probably reds) who no doubt have my picture now name etc.

Mustafa Sicknote said...

Fantastic impotent rage. Get a job.

Anonymous said...

Yes, facebook does have its fair share of narcissistic idiots but it is undeniably also a valuable political campaigning tool. And why shouldn't people indulge in mindless trivia to let off steam occasionally? So, don't knock facebook, knock the dumbass IQ level of many Facebook account holders.